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FIC: Lacking

Title: Lacking
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Characters: Spike
Word Count: ~400 words
Rating: PG
Spoilers: 5.7 "Fool For Love"

A/N: A bit of plotless internal meandering written just after I saw FFL for the first time, when I knew vaguely that Spike eventually got his soul but I still had a season and a half before I found out how. Also my first piece of fic in the Buffyverse, and the first fanfic of any kind I'd written since that woeful Mary Sue Happy Days piece I abandoned at age fourteen.

~~

It wouldn’t be you. It would never be you. Then the bit that really cut -- couldn’t remember telling her just what Cecily’d said, but he must’ve, how else’d she know? You’re beneath me.

“Beneath you, all right. I’d take it that way, luv, if that’s how you like it.” He wished he’d said that. Woulda liked to see her face. Always a laugh, seeing her angry. If he could make her angry then he wasn’t so much beneath, now, was he?

Not that the face wasn’t prettier later, just empty with tears running.

He’d said something like that, hadn’t he? She’s cute when she’s hurtin’. He remembered saying that. To Angel, not even listening to himself, really, just wanting to see the great pillock glare. It wasn’t good enough. Jeer him, call his sweet blondie a tart, stick him bloody full of pokers and he still looked at a fellow like he was maggots. Like there was some difference between them, like that soul made a bloody bit of difference.

Maybe he didn’t even believe it. He had a soul, didn’t he, before? That’s how the stories went. But he didn’t remember feeling any different. He could see himself hiding in corners, watching those other banties sticking around Cecily and wishing they could get up her skirts. He’d have killed them all to get her if he’d thought it’d work. Hadn’t he told himself that?

Life wasn’t so different with a soul, then. Just shorter. Weaker. Less blood, drunk or spilt.

Wasn’t like all the warmbloods with souls had an idea what they had. Blondie, what’d she do with hers? Nothing. Probably never gave it a thought. But show her a bloke without and she didn’t even ask his name before she staked him. Like he wasn’t a bloke to her then; he wasn’t anything at all.

“You’re a vampire, you sod. She’s a Slayer. You kill her or she kills you, that’s how it works. Not so hard, is it?”

That’s why she was prettier when she cried. Because then, she forgot about vampires and slayers. She didn’t look at him like he was a rat she was sorry she hadn’t poisoned. For a half hour there she’d just been scared and crying, and he’d just been a bloke.

And that was good as having a soul, wasn’t it?

~Finis

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
rebcake
Nov. 30th, 2008 07:30 pm (UTC)
For some reason, I always lose it when any variation of "bantam" comes up in conjunction with Spike. Tee.

Poor Spike has a very dim view of Buffy's motives here:

But show her a bloke without and she didn’t even ask his name before she staked him.
...like he was a rat she was sorry she hadn’t poisoned.


Brrr.

Nicely done. Oh, and thanks for friending! I'll try to make entries worthwhile.
snickfic
Dec. 1st, 2008 01:10 am (UTC)
I always lose it when any variation of "bantam" comes up in conjunction with Spike.

It does fit him very well, doesn't it? Spike, the little banty rooster. *g*

Thanks for the kind words, and I'm glad you enjoyed. And likewise, on the friending!
cafedemonde
Dec. 5th, 2008 01:00 am (UTC)
Well done :-)
snickfic
Dec. 5th, 2008 01:37 am (UTC)
Thank you!
phoenixofborg
Mar. 11th, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I love plotless internal meandering! The last couple lines are perfect- the fact that he'll take whatever he can get when it comes to Buffy, even if he won't admit to himself that he's that desperate.
snickfic
Mar. 11th, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I love plotless internal meandering!

LOL. I confess, it's not my favorite type of fic, at least not by itself. But I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
jen_nsync_landl
Nov. 17th, 2009 06:55 pm (UTC)
Mmm, liking this a lot. Lovely images and interiority here, and that paragraph about Angel is spot-on. I think Spike did spend a lot of time running off at the mouth back in the day, putting a show, hoping to win approval. It's almost as though that train of thought about having jeered Buffy's pain with Angel is the sign of just a tad of remorse that I associate with S5 Spike. He's usually unrepentant, but every so often there's a little crack in the veneer, and we see something new and unexpected...and extraordinary.
snickfic
Nov. 20th, 2009 12:15 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

He's usually unrepentant, but every so often there's a little crack in the veneer, and we see something new and unexpected...and extraordinary.

Yes. And to me, the contrast between veneer and crack is one of the most extraordinary things about him. Sure, I love his devotion and vulnerability and moments of incredible sweetness, but if it weren't for all posturing and harshness, then Spike would just be another Really Nice Guy.
zippoluv
Apr. 19th, 2010 12:19 pm (UTC)
Loved this.
Especially this:

"For a half hour there she’d just been scared and crying, and he’d just been a bloke.

And that was good as having a soul, wasn’t it?"
snickfic
Apr. 19th, 2010 11:25 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it. This is an old, old piece - it's a bit weird coming back and reading it now, because my Spike voice has changed a fair bit since then.

Thanks so much for the fic commenting! Out of curiousity, how did you find me?
singedbylife
Sep. 20th, 2013 04:48 am (UTC)
Another enjoyable read. :)
snickfic
Sep. 20th, 2013 01:13 pm (UTC)
:D
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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