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Jupiter Ascending

If you're wanting a space opera with fantastic costumes, cheesy dialogue, very expensive special effects, and all the scenery-chewing your heart desires, then this is the movie for you. It is not a good movie. However, at no point did I get mad at its story choices - and given I was fuming at at least two and possibly three of the trailers, that's saying something. And it's definitely a spectacle. There are worse ways to spend your 2.5 hours.

Pluses:
* I love how much of a kick Jupiter gets out of being called Your Majesty. Rrow.
* That one costume with the headdress. You know the one. WOW. But most of the costuming, really.
* The bees, I gotta say.
* Of the Abrasax siblings, I found Kalique by far the most interesting, largely because her strategy wasn't "steal and murder." Although can I just say, she was hotter when she looked older. Good job, makeup dept?
* I actually enjoyed the scenery chewing quite a bit

Minuses:
* The "serious" acting. Oh dear, so that's Channing Tatum, is it? And I wasn't wowed by Mila Kunis either, tbh.
* Despite all the species we see, I never quite believed this as a world. Not that every movie should or can be the LOTR trilogy, but you know how every culture felt distinct, how there were motifs and visual cues that set them apart? Or for a more obvious example, see Avatar: the Last Airbender. To go further back, Star Wars and immediate sequels had worlds that felt lived in, all the way along. I was never quite convinced by this world the movie created, except possibly when we're dealing with the bureaucracy on Aurus (or Orrus or whatever).
* Sorry to say, this movie was not nearly as iddy as I was hoping for. Basically I needed more weird biology, I think.

Spoilery discussion, back button now if you wish to avoid:
* Okay, so at the end, Jupiter owns the earth, and... she's going to die in seventy years or so? Then what? Where do her holdings go then? Is there someone she can trust to carry out her wishes, ie, not harvest from her holdings? What about the fact that all planets are expected to overpopulate? Is that maybe something we should address? WHAT ABOUT THE INTERGALACTIC POLITICS.

So now the fic I want is the one where Kalique drops by Earth every year or two or ten to court Jupiter. She'd like Jupiter to will all her holdings to her, or failing in that she'd like an ally, or heck, maybe she's just interested. She is at the very least pleased that Jupiter has managed in less than a week to eliminate ALL of Kalique's competition. And Kalique is really not looking forward to the mess Jupiter's death will cause, so she gets a print made on the sly of Jupiter's genome and slips her just enough revitalizing stuff orally to keep her around. After all, once Jupiter realizes how nice it is to stay young, is she really going to keep up these silly ideals about cattle?

Anyway, I don't know how to get this to Kalique/Jupiter endgame, but obviously that is the objective. With no murder and no too terrible treachery.

Crossposted from Dreamwidth. Comment here or there. (comment count unavailable DW replies)

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
gryfndor_godess
Feb. 16th, 2015 04:09 am (UTC)
least two and possibly three of the trailers, that's saying something.

Which trailers, if you don't mind me asking?

Although can I just say, she was hotter when she looked older.

That's what I thought! I was a little weirded out when she de-aged.

Oh dear, so that's Channing Tatum, is it?

I haven't seen him in his legit serious roles (although I think he generally got good reviews for Foxcatcher), but when it comes to comedy, he actually has a really great range. I love him b/c he seems to have zero shame factor, like the kind of guy who will do any role that's fun, no matter how ridiculous.
snickfic
Feb. 16th, 2015 04:04 pm (UTC)
Honestly, there wasn't anything really so terrible about the individual movies in the trailers as I'm just so, so tired of the kinds of stories being told. And the lack of women in them. There's the Irish mob story where it's Liam Neeson and his character's sun on the run from the mob, and "They'll threaten your family!" (ie wife and children), and every speaking part in the trailer was male. And then there was that I thought was Age of Ultron (because robots) but then got confused because it had Hugh Jackman in it (Wolverine?) and then thought maybe was an Asimov adaptation (because of how representative female character Sigourney Weaver was being used - Susan Calvin, maybe?) but in fact turned out to be none of those things and was just another SFF movie about "what does it mean to be human" featuring an all-male cast (plus Sigourney Weaver). And just, that's fine, it's not like I don't love Castiel for example, but otoh I kept thinking "why is it the people being asked these questions are mostly male and mostly white?" And why are we so concerned about whether or not robots and teddy bears (another trailer) are people when there are so many PEOPLE in this world that get treated like not-people?

Which is to say, there wasn't anything explicitly objectionable about the movies themselves, and this entire rant is really just an expression of my general fed-up-ness with the state of movies. :\

On the plus side, there was also the trailer for that Melissa McCarthy spy movie, which I want to see. Maybe not in theaters.
ale_irenear
Feb. 16th, 2015 07:55 am (UTC)
I thought the same as you haha at the spoiler part :P !! there were a loooot of loose ends in this movie...

But even though it was not the best movie haha it did kept me watching it... cause i thought there was going to be more xP !! not the case though... :P

good review, thanks! :D
snickfic
Feb. 16th, 2015 04:07 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I also wanted to know what the deal was with Caine's backstory! Why had he bit someone? I expected to find out it'd been a lie or someone had drugged him or something. But nope, never resolved.
ale_irenear
Feb. 17th, 2015 02:53 pm (UTC)
hahha yeah i know! for a moment I thought he had killed the Abrasax mother and he was very protective of Jupiter because he felt guilty.. but haha not... :P
kwritten
Feb. 16th, 2015 11:03 am (UTC)
Your entire Kalique/Jupiter scenario has me drooling!!!

WHAT ABOUT THE INTERGALACTIC POLITICS.

OMG THIS THO

WHO ARE THE OTHER FAMILIES/CORPORATIONS? WHEN DID CORPORATIONS BECOME ROYALTY? WHAT'S UP WITH THE ORIGINAL JUPITER? WHAT ARE THE AGE GAPS BETWEEN SIBLINGS? WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE WARS THE EDRIS ARE HAVING TO DEAL WITH? TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE EDRIS. (IDRIS?) (DON'T CARE, I WANT IT.)

What about the fact that all planets are expected to overpopulate? Is that maybe something we should address?
ALSO THIS.

I just loved this movie so much. I saw it twice out of sheer love.
snickfic
Feb. 16th, 2015 04:09 pm (UTC)
Do you mean the Aegis? Because if there's some separate thing called the Edris, I have no idea what it is. (I am TERRIBLE at remembering names of things the first time watching something, though. IMDB to the rescue.)

Also, um, well.
kwritten
Feb. 16th, 2015 04:14 pm (UTC)
lol apparently. I watched it twice but still would had sworn that everyone was saying 'Edris' *headdesk*

*saves link for tomorrow/human hours*
tommy50702
Feb. 20th, 2015 02:27 am (UTC)
This movie takes the classic “Cinderella” fairy tale and blows it up into a big, sci-fi space adventure about a girl named Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who dreams of a life better than the one she has.
snickfic
Feb. 20th, 2015 02:32 am (UTC)
Indeed.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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