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FIC: She Saves the World a Lot

I was just ranting to gabrielleabelle about Shag or Die scenarios, and then I wrote one. Hey, it happens to the best of us, right?


Title: She Saves the World a Lot
Pairing: Spike/Buffy
Spoilers/Words: post-series - 270 words
Rating: Erm. R?


The glow of the late-afternoon Roman sun warmed Buffy’s kitchen, and Giles’ voice buzzed distantly in her ear. “The prophecy is quite clear,” he said. “It must be tonight, and it must be-”

“A Slayer and a vampire, making with the horizontal hokey-pokey. Heard you the first time. You realize that this is total patriarchal objectifying crap, right?” Hey, look, Willow was rubbing off on her. “Saving the world with my vagina?”

Over the crackling line, she heard Giles clear his throat. “Of course, it need not necessarily be you...”

“But hey, pretty convenient, right?” She allowed herself a grin. “Who knows, you might not have needed to call.”

Now she could practically hear him blush, and she smirked. Mortification of the Watcher? Still a Buffy Summers event in the Slayer Olympics. Besides, it served him right. She heaved a long-suffering sigh. “The sacrifices I make. Tell your Council money people I need a bonus for this.” On Giles’ sputter, she hung up.

She glanced at herself in the window glass, smoothed a stray wisp of hair and straightened her shirt. Then she slipped into the darkened living room, to Spike, stretched out on her sofa: the vampire in repose.

“Hello, lover,” she said as she slid onto him. One instant he was whipcord-taut beneath her, and then he melted, his angles meeting her curves in ways that were still too new – again – to be taken for granted.

“Not that I’m complaining...” he began, but she leaned in to nibble at his lip, which shut him up. It usually did, she was rediscovering.

“Shhh,” she breathed into his mouth. “We have to save the world now.”



( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 30th, 2010 12:50 am (UTC)

(I can just picture Giles doing much glasses-polishing before, during, and after this conversation.)
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:35 am (UTC)
Oh, yes. The glasses-polishing was implied. :)
Apr. 30th, 2010 12:56 am (UTC)

You win at life.
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:42 am (UTC)

(I seem to be hung up on Shag or Die parodies. I still have that other one sitting on my hard drive, waiting for me to get inspired...)
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:48 am (UTC)
*squeal* This is so exciting to me! I'm totally with you on the being over the Shag or Die thing (except that I still love "Persephone"). I thoroughly approve of you continuing to rub its ridiculousness in everyone's face! YAY!
Apr. 30th, 2010 10:20 pm (UTC)
Well, they're just so easy to poke fun at! Fish and barrel and all that.

(And I still like "Persephone," too.)
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:14 am (UTC)
Oh, I love it! Such a much nice way to meet a prophecy and save the world! Good job.
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:43 am (UTC)
I think they'll quite enjoy fulfilling this particular prophecy... *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:19 am (UTC)
Heh. Now that's the kind of prophecy they like. :)
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)
Yep. Notice how all Buffy's complaining is about the principle of the thing... *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 04:05 am (UTC)
What, no stinky herbs or weird sand? World-saving just ain't what it used to be.

This was ultra satisfying for some reason:

Mortification of the Watcher? Still an event in the Slayer Olympics.

Apr. 30th, 2010 11:59 am (UTC)
What can I say? Some apocalypses are just more demanding than others.

And yeah, there are some valued skills a Slayer never loses. *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 05:06 am (UTC)
Prophecy FTW!
Apr. 30th, 2010 12:00 pm (UTC)
Yep yep. :)
Apr. 30th, 2010 05:15 am (UTC)

Somewhere on my hard drive I have a Barbverse fragment about some demon trapping Buffy and Spike in a magical cage and proudly informing them that the only way out is to (DUN DUN DUN!) do the nasty with their mortal enemy, and they get into a big argument over whether on not they still qualify as mortal enemy enough to break the spell... *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 12:06 pm (UTC)
That's fabulous! Although it seems to me that the easiest way to resolve that question is to try it and find out... *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 05:38 am (UTC)
I am putty against this onslaught of fluff.

I need a puddle-of-goo icon.
Apr. 30th, 2010 12:08 pm (UTC)
Hee! Puddle of goo FTW!
Apr. 30th, 2010 09:04 am (UTC)
:loves self-aware Buffy:
Apr. 30th, 2010 12:18 pm (UTC)
Yes. Most of the point of this fic is that even in as silly a situation as this one, she is still the Slayer and she is still In Charge. (The rest of the point was to play with the "Shagging one's mortal enemies leads to relationships" trope. *g*)
Apr. 30th, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC)
“The sacrifices I make".

tee hee...
Apr. 30th, 2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.
Apr. 30th, 2010 10:44 pm (UTC)
lol! Win.
Apr. 30th, 2010 10:48 pm (UTC)
Hee. It just occurred to me, as I was writing you that comment, that Shag or Die is always about forcing together two people that would Never Ever otherwise, and what a (narrative!) anti-climax it'd be if they were already, yanno, together. And it amused me.

Glad you enjoyed. :)
May. 1st, 2010 02:22 am (UTC)
This Shag or Die fic makes sense to me (more so than the others I've neglected to read because of the Pw/oP). And to have them already in a relationship....priceless.
May. 1st, 2010 02:59 am (UTC)
Hee. Thank you. Yeah, what a let-down to have one's big porny fic premise show up after one's characters are already in a relationship.

Glad you enjoyed. ;)
May. 1st, 2010 04:54 am (UTC)
The Chosen One

I saw this strip on the day I read this. Haha.

May. 1st, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)
Re: The Chosen One
Bwah hah hah! That is excellent.

(You realize, right, that I'm still terribly amused about you reading my fanfiction for a show you've basically never watched? I am.)
May. 2nd, 2010 03:16 am (UTC)
Re: The Chosen One
I prefer to think of it as "I read your blog."

May. 1st, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
This brightened my day considerably! Like it's such a chore for her to save the world right now lol. I would save the world with him at every opportunity.
May. 1st, 2010 11:39 pm (UTC)
Heh. Hence the title...

Glad to hear it was a day-brightener. Thanks for commenting!
May. 1st, 2010 08:54 pm (UTC)
Hee! Fun!
May. 1st, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed. :)
May. 2nd, 2010 01:06 am (UTC)
The writers of these prophesies must REALLY like PWP.
Delightful :)

May. 2nd, 2010 01:57 am (UTC)
Re: The writers of these prophesies must REALLY like PWP.
That's what it is! All those dirty-minded prophets.

I'm glad you enjoyed. :)
May. 2nd, 2010 08:10 pm (UTC)
Your usual high standard! Plus I just love Persephone too.
May. 2nd, 2010 10:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I don't write straight Spuffy very often, but this one just sort of came over me. *g*

And Persephone is in a class of its own - one of those fics that transcends its premise.
Jul. 8th, 2010 09:38 am (UTC)
HAHAHA. I love this. lol.
Jul. 8th, 2010 03:42 pm (UTC)
Hee! I'm glad you enjoyed. :)

(Ironically, this is also the sexiest thing I've ever posted...)
Jul. 8th, 2010 04:55 pm (UTC)
well its good. Lol. its was really cute too.
Sep. 1st, 2012 04:45 pm (UTC)
As I'm new to the 'verse and the fandom I had no idea this was a sub-genre in it's own right (thank goodness, actually). I actually read this - or at least it could be read - as a mockery of the so-called S8-comics: "Saving the world with my vagina" *lol*

Actually, that entire notion cannot be mocked too often. Kudos.
Sep. 1st, 2012 11:11 pm (UTC)
Hey hey, welcome to the Buffyverse! You've caught me on my way out, actually - I still love the show, but my involvement in the fandom is way down from when I wrote this. It's a great place, though - the show offered so much scope for fic, in so many directions.

If I recall correctly, this fic was actually written a little before the big saving-world-by-vagina development in the S8 comics (which I'd long since stopped reading anyway, because they were so clearly Not Good). But yes, it's a pretty common fic trope, especially in the Spike/Buffy corner of the fandom, and I am endlessly fascinated by it. In fact, I wrote another (very different) parody of it here.

And yes, I adore S4. I didn't at first, because it was so different from what came before and because the season arc was so disappointing, but it has so many fun standalones. It is my go-to season for happy fluffy Buffy. :)
Sep. 21st, 2013 11:02 am (UTC)
Heh. Love the images you create.
Sep. 22nd, 2013 05:15 am (UTC)
Heee. Obviously, I wrote this after reading one too many "shag or die" fics. :D
Oct. 19th, 2014 06:36 pm (UTC)
Oh such a lovely ficlet! I love it.
Oct. 20th, 2014 01:26 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you! It's very silly. :)
( 46 comments — Leave a comment )

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