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FIC: She Saves the World a Lot

I was just ranting to gabrielleabelle about Shag or Die scenarios, and then I wrote one. Hey, it happens to the best of us, right?


Title: She Saves the World a Lot
Pairing: Spike/Buffy
Spoilers/Words: post-series - 270 words
Rating: Erm. R?


The glow of the late-afternoon Roman sun warmed Buffy’s kitchen, and Giles’ voice buzzed distantly in her ear. “The prophecy is quite clear,” he said. “It must be tonight, and it must be-”

“A Slayer and a vampire, making with the horizontal hokey-pokey. Heard you the first time. You realize that this is total patriarchal objectifying crap, right?” Hey, look, Willow was rubbing off on her. “Saving the world with my vagina?”

Over the crackling line, she heard Giles clear his throat. “Of course, it need not necessarily be you...”

“But hey, pretty convenient, right?” She allowed herself a grin. “Who knows, you might not have needed to call.”

Now she could practically hear him blush, and she smirked. Mortification of the Watcher? Still a Buffy Summers event in the Slayer Olympics. Besides, it served him right. She heaved a long-suffering sigh. “The sacrifices I make. Tell your Council money people I need a bonus for this.” On Giles’ sputter, she hung up.

She glanced at herself in the window glass, smoothed a stray wisp of hair and straightened her shirt. Then she slipped into the darkened living room, to Spike, stretched out on her sofa: the vampire in repose.

“Hello, lover,” she said as she slid onto him. One instant he was whipcord-taut beneath her, and then he melted, his angles meeting her curves in ways that were still too new – again – to be taken for granted.

“Not that I’m complaining...” he began, but she leaned in to nibble at his lip, which shut him up. It usually did, she was rediscovering.

“Shhh,” she breathed into his mouth. “We have to save the world now.”



( 46 comments — Leave a comment )
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Apr. 29th, 2010 08:50 pm (UTC)

(I can just picture Giles doing much glasses-polishing before, during, and after this conversation.)
Apr. 29th, 2010 09:35 pm (UTC)
Oh, yes. The glasses-polishing was implied. :)
Apr. 29th, 2010 08:56 pm (UTC)

You win at life.
Apr. 29th, 2010 09:42 pm (UTC)

(I seem to be hung up on Shag or Die parodies. I still have that other one sitting on my hard drive, waiting for me to get inspired...)
(no subject) - penny_lane_42 - Apr. 29th, 2010 09:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snickfic - Apr. 30th, 2010 06:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 29th, 2010 09:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, I love it! Such a much nice way to meet a prophecy and save the world! Good job.
Apr. 29th, 2010 09:43 pm (UTC)
I think they'll quite enjoy fulfilling this particular prophecy... *g*
Apr. 29th, 2010 09:19 pm (UTC)
Heh. Now that's the kind of prophecy they like. :)
Apr. 29th, 2010 09:45 pm (UTC)
Yep. Notice how all Buffy's complaining is about the principle of the thing... *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 12:05 am (UTC)
What, no stinky herbs or weird sand? World-saving just ain't what it used to be.

This was ultra satisfying for some reason:

Mortification of the Watcher? Still an event in the Slayer Olympics.

Apr. 30th, 2010 07:59 am (UTC)
What can I say? Some apocalypses are just more demanding than others.

And yeah, there are some valued skills a Slayer never loses. *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:06 am (UTC)
Prophecy FTW!
Apr. 30th, 2010 08:00 am (UTC)
Yep yep. :)
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:15 am (UTC)

Somewhere on my hard drive I have a Barbverse fragment about some demon trapping Buffy and Spike in a magical cage and proudly informing them that the only way out is to (DUN DUN DUN!) do the nasty with their mortal enemy, and they get into a big argument over whether on not they still qualify as mortal enemy enough to break the spell... *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 08:06 am (UTC)
That's fabulous! Although it seems to me that the easiest way to resolve that question is to try it and find out... *g*
Apr. 30th, 2010 01:38 am (UTC)
I am putty against this onslaught of fluff.

I need a puddle-of-goo icon.
Apr. 30th, 2010 08:08 am (UTC)
Hee! Puddle of goo FTW!
Apr. 30th, 2010 05:04 am (UTC)
:loves self-aware Buffy:
Apr. 30th, 2010 08:18 am (UTC)
Yes. Most of the point of this fic is that even in as silly a situation as this one, she is still the Slayer and she is still In Charge. (The rest of the point was to play with the "Shagging one's mortal enemies leads to relationships" trope. *g*)
Apr. 30th, 2010 02:10 pm (UTC)
“The sacrifices I make".

tee hee...
Apr. 30th, 2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
It's a tough job, but someone has to do it.
Apr. 30th, 2010 06:44 pm (UTC)
lol! Win.
Apr. 30th, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC)
Hee. It just occurred to me, as I was writing you that comment, that Shag or Die is always about forcing together two people that would Never Ever otherwise, and what a (narrative!) anti-climax it'd be if they were already, yanno, together. And it amused me.

Glad you enjoyed. :)
Apr. 30th, 2010 10:22 pm (UTC)
This Shag or Die fic makes sense to me (more so than the others I've neglected to read because of the Pw/oP). And to have them already in a relationship....priceless.
Apr. 30th, 2010 10:59 pm (UTC)
Hee. Thank you. Yeah, what a let-down to have one's big porny fic premise show up after one's characters are already in a relationship.

Glad you enjoyed. ;)
May. 1st, 2010 12:54 am (UTC)
The Chosen One

I saw this strip on the day I read this. Haha.

May. 1st, 2010 07:43 am (UTC)
Re: The Chosen One
Bwah hah hah! That is excellent.

(You realize, right, that I'm still terribly amused about you reading my fanfiction for a show you've basically never watched? I am.)
Re: The Chosen One - (Anonymous) - May. 1st, 2010 11:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 1st, 2010 02:23 pm (UTC)
This brightened my day considerably! Like it's such a chore for her to save the world right now lol. I would save the world with him at every opportunity.
May. 1st, 2010 07:39 pm (UTC)
Heh. Hence the title...

Glad to hear it was a day-brightener. Thanks for commenting!
May. 1st, 2010 04:54 pm (UTC)
Hee! Fun!
May. 1st, 2010 07:42 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed. :)
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( 46 comments — Leave a comment )

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